


Moonlight

by yonghagay



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Comfort/Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:01:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21719596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yonghagay/pseuds/yonghagay
Summary: Inspired by Moonlight - Lovelyz“Seonghwa and I started dating years ago. At first it was fun — little did I know it was going to end up as it did.'You must break up with him,' told me Jongho more than once. His advice was always useful. I converted his words into a reality.”
Relationships: Kang Yeosang & Park Seonghwa
Kudos: 11





	Moonlight

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> This is my first fic in English so I’m feeling a bit nervous about uploading it. However, here it is although it’s not so long.

Seonghwa and I started dating years ago, not a long before starting university. He asked me under the _moonlight_ on our last night together that summer we shared.

We were quite inexperienced in dating, but that made our first year more special — we did everything we always wanted to try with a couple and enjoyed as much as possible. Of course, more than once we also shared intimate moments that, in fact, helped us to reinforce our relationship.

At first it was fun — little did I know it was going to end up as it did. I didn’t want to assume it at first, I tried to believe everything was alright but that made the problem bigger. Seonghwa wasn’t made for me, I wasn’t made for him.

“You should- — no, you must break up with him,” told me Jongho more than once, when I went to him because I wasn’t feeling well. Seonghwa was getting too strict and I couldn’t stand it, I barely could do anything on my own. I was fed up and it seemed like he was like that too.

My self esteem used to be pretty high, but last months I wasn’t feeling good. “Yeosang, I think you’ll look better in this,” used to tell me my boyfriend every time I wore a clothing it wasn’t of his liking and he had a  supposedly  better suggestion. “Yeosang, you’re not paying me enough attention for me to be satisfied,” he told me frequently on a way that produced me insecurity — chiefly because of his gaze, which looked as if we wanted to kill me.

I ideally knew I had to make a deep meditation about my situation. I was totally sure being with Seonghwa was consuming me inside but I couldn’t help being in love with him — his kisses were sweet although they could kill, his words weren’t always like a knife on my throat. To be honest, there were times he made me smile, additionally before everything went wrong he made me happy.

After the reflection I finally made I went to Seonghwa’s to break up with him. My heart was beating fast and my hands were shaking — I was rattling nervous for what I was about to do. At least that would end my suffer and I’d feel better, I’d become the smily and calm boy I’ve always been.

When I arrived to his house, I aggressively pressed the doorbell. I had planned every word I was going to tell him on a way he would be bound to listen to me until I would finish my  speech .

“Oh, Sang, love, I didn’t expect you to come today,” he reacted surprised but then he smiled even if he had seen my fulminant gaze digging into his eyes. “Come here,” he invited me inside and closed the door. And that’s when my plan fucked up.

He hugged me while he dedicated me a warm smile and I became more shy than I was before. All the angry words I wanted to tell him disappeared from my mind. Everything I planned was futile in that moment.

Without a context he kissed my lips. His’ were warm and the touch was mild. I corresponded him by moving my arms to surround his neck, next he took my waist with his hands and intensified the kiss.

I was completely clinging to him and I couldn’t help myself, less if he looked at me with his sparkling eyes and the typical seductive smile he used to sketch out. He knew his charms and he always made use of them when he was with me — maybe that’s why I wasn’t able to scape from his claws.

At the moment he stopped kissing my lips he grabbed my left hand and whispered, “you should have told me you were coming, I would have prepared something... you know... something for us.”

“I didn’t come to see you, not at all,” I answered determined enough to continue and recover what I wanted to tell him. But he didn’t give me the opportunity for that, since the hand he had on my waist rose to my chin, not without touching all my chest in the path.

“What do you mean by that? Aren’t my kisses sweet enough to convince you? Yeosang, nobody’s like me, I am the best boyfriend you’ll ever have.”

Seonghwa kissed me again.

  
I was a fool but I didn’t want to admit it — I didn’t want to notice I was falling every day a little more for a toxic person although I already knew it. Even though he was able to hurt me, he had the ability to make me sue for more in every aspect of our relationship.

I had a big emotional dependence for Seonghwa. The submissiveness I was brought under was an obstacle — due to that I permitted Seonghwa to do to me whatever he wanted. That day wasn’t different.

My mind wanted me to break up with him but my heart was so in love. I allowed Seonghwa to kiss me playing with my tongue, touching all my body with his hands, making me innerly ask for more. A little piece of mine wanted him and even having gotten smaller by the time, it had the control of myself.

I didn’t know if Seonghwa was conscious of the situation — barely did he demonstrate his thoughts regarding we both. For his attitude I could tell he liked me to shout his name on bed, but that isn’t helpful when it comes to love, so, why did I do it that afternoon? Why did I let him excite me and make me moan?

After the odyssey the afternoon became into, I promised myself I wasn’t going to let him have the control of my life. He had me like in a cage, unable to go out from my alleged comfort zone in which almost everything surrounded him.  _ I had got only me.  _ I had to make myself demonstrate itself that’s the only thing I’ll have forever .

Seonghwa’s house was pretty near from mine so it didn’t take me too long to arrive. When I did it I called Jongho and explained everything it happened that afternoon. “Yeosang, you’re telling me you went to him’s because you want to break up with him and you ended fucking. How is it possible?,” he quarrelled me. He was right, it was difficult to believe I had fallen again. 

Jongho’s advice was always useful but I applied them wrongly. I reflected and reached a conclusion but then I didn’t have the audacity to did what I should’ve had done — instead, I let Seonghwa control me once again. When I was around him I was weak, I should have bore that in mind.

Despite loving Seonghwa we were doomed, we had to have  _ a fated sad ending _ . Our destiny wasn’t being together.  _ The more I freed myself, the stronger he constricted me _ _._ I couldn’t and mustn’t consent him.

After having talked with Jongho, I took a shower — a cold one to refresh my mind. That helped me to gain determination. The more almost-iced water, as I felt it was, touched my body, the better I felt — I didn’t know why but I had a sensation of freedom at the same time I felt brighter.

It was 9PM but I felt tired. “Tomorrow. Tomorrow will be the day,” I whispered so that I was the only one able to hear that words. Then I ate a yoghurt and went to sleep, while that words were still running in my mind.

Next morning I woke up tired, the same as when I went to bed, but I had something important to do — I had to end up my relationship with Seonghwa before it’s too late.

I spent time on my own doing the homework before leaving at 11PM, when I arrived to my still boyfriend’s house. I rang the doorbell pressing the button softly and when he opened the door I refused to look at his eyes. Instead, I started talking directing my gaze to a fixed point in which he wasn’t.

“ _ It’s over _ ,” I started. After the difficult words I pronounced everything became easier, I was able to say what I wanted without doubting. “Seonghwa, we have to break up. Our relationship has become too toxic, I can’t stand it.”

“But I love you,” his voice was soft and I felt obligated to look at his eyes. “Don’t you think I am in love with you?”

“I love you too, but we can’t be like this,” I sincerely muttered. I couldn’t fall, not again. Although I loved him, it was insane to continue being his boyfriend and I was sure he knew it.

“If we love each other, then, what’s the problem?” his voice got deeper and sounded desperate.

“It’s toxic. I feel trapped in a cage. At first it was cool to be with you but now you can’t endure a day without telling me negative things and that’s hurting me — why don’t you see?”

Even receiving Seonghwa’s cold gaze, I felt all the freedom I yearned for last months. He listened to me and he wasn’t happy, I was sure, but after finding myself it didn’t matter to me.

“You aren’t giving me a last kiss, are you?” on a sudden his low and angry tone seemed sad. How is that he wanted a last kiss? After all it had happened, amazingly he had the courage to ask for it.

“I’m sorry,” I changed my expression and looked at him full of seriousness. If our relation was doomed, whether it was like an almost extinguished fire, I wasn’t going to give bellows to it. “I think right now  _ I’ve got only me _ _._ ”

Despicably he made a gesture inviting me to go out from his house. I did it and he closed the door slowly, still making me feel intimidated. He had always had the ability to look at someone with that kind of sharp, cold and judging gaze.

At first, I thought about going home again but I changed my mind and I walked in the opposite direction — since Jongho was the one he helped me, I wanted him to be the first one to know the whole story. I converted his words into a reality.

I walked down the street melancholically, feeling free and unsure about how were my next relationships going to be. At least I was freed and I still had myself. I didn’t have to worry, not at all. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I gain confidence by the time. I’ll keep writing and sooner than expected I’ll probably upload new content.
> 
> By the moment that’s all, hope you liked it!
> 
> \- IS


End file.
